I kept trying to believe you were someone you weren't

Why did I keep fooling myself ?

I guess I was trying to live a dream

Why are people so vulnerable when they are in love ?

They may say time heals all wounds

But yet the scars will remain

It is in learning to live with our scars that we find true wisdom

~

Why are there so many songs about love

But very few about the absence of just that love ?

~

Something you've always looked forward to

Always dreamed of

Always wondered about but

Never worried about

A leap into life

Your ówn life

For you to build from scratch

Always seemed so far

Now begins to appear on the horizon

Coming closer as you are struck in awe

Panic attacks you and you try to flee

But it catches up with you that much sooner

To the outside world you are brave and jumping to go

But to yourself you dare admit your fear

Fear of losing

Losing the battle with choices

Losing the sources of your happiness

Lose those bonds which you've been building for years

Years now past

As all things pass

Hard and challenging times too.

Your love in the past is a gaurantee for the future

Though the path may be rough and lonely at times

You keep your eye on that mountain top

And then the next, and the next

Each step brings you close and quickens your pace

You believe you can do it

Build it so it suits you

Because it is your life

Your ówn life

And when fate changes it dramatically

You change and adapt

You grow

Sometimes alone is not lonely

Sometimes lonely is not alone

Sometimes they are the same.

Being third wheel, or ninth rather

Watching couples together, sharing

Smiles, looks, glances, touches, kisses, words

They glow with happiness

You want to be happy too

At least for them, so you tell yourself that

They are happy and you love them so you ought to be happy too

And mostly you are

But sometimes it's just that happiness that gets to you

Because it is such a clear reminder of the happiness that you lack yourself

You are confronted with the facts and reality hits you in the face

No matter how much you tell yourself

That your life is complete and satisfactory as it is

That you are strong and independent

And not looking for company, but

Sometimes that voice in your head is muted

And you realize how empty it is, your life

Without someone to share it with

A special someone especially for you

Who gives you that special happiness that you cannot give to yourself

Who gives you a hug in times of need, or just without reason

Who lights up your dark skies

Who sees who you are and loves you for it

With whom you share all things :

Smiles,looks,glances,touches,kisses,words

True feelings and love

Who brings out the best in you

Who makes you aware of your dreams and helps you reach them

Someone with whom all this comes from both sides

And joins the hearts

Someone who makes you realize :

You are neither lonely nor alone.

Looking back

It all seems so obvious :

Your behaviour, your attitude, your actions and reactions

You just didn't want me anymore

But your cowardice won from your honesty

So you kept telling me not to worry

Everything was alright you promised

I feel ashamed to admit I believed you

Why do I only see the truth now?

After all the pain I went through?

I guess love really does make one blind

I simply didn't want to see the cracks in our "perfect" glass window

I was deaf to the thunder inside that was trying to warn me

But when the lightning struck,

it lit up the sky to reality and opened my eyes to the facts

That's when the angels began to cry

and the rain washed away all of my fake hope

Until I ended up in a puddle

Splashing myself with mud for being so stupid.

    ~      

Choices to make

Chances to take

Boundaries to break

Contacts at stake

My fear is not fake

~